it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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