Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
