she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
