I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
