I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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