Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
