i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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