Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
