The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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