I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I supernannyed him into submission
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
