Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
