Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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