just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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