i wish my penis had a tongue
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
