Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
