is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
