so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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