I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
