Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
