What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
