East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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