Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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