State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
