i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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