i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm both gender and math confused
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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