he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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