We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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