she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
