he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize