Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
