Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
