piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize