The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I looked at my own cervix.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
