everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
