what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
