apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
