Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
