What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
