have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize