Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
