i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
