I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
