Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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