I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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