I hate your face
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
