Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
