He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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