Kiss
Puke
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
