whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
