So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
