we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize