i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
