do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
