Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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