I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
