she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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