New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
