Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
