I think im going to throw up on grandma
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
