Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
