I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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