one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Shame - the story of my life.
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