your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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