TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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