12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
